The third week and the culling of the weak.

We have entered week 3 of the Festival and the Fringe (those wondering how that is so should check out a previous blog, lazy bastards). Things are, as I promised they would, turning baleful. The Director posted on her facebook page that she had seen a performer standing on a bollard and handing out leaflets being kicked in the back of the knees. This is the darkness that engulfs us after two weeks of trying to be cool.

Trying to be cool is always a mistake. Do you remember your teenage years, when the coolest boys in school had - for some reason - dyed their fringe blonde and shaved the rest of their head? If you don't you probably remember something equally asinine. That is why you should never try to be cool.

Tonight I finished the day job at 10:30pm. I attempted to meet a friend at a place called Sneaky Pete's. I quite like Sneaky Pete's in that it gives a very good impression of what solitary confinement with all the demons you dreamt about in your childhood years would be like. Sadly, they were changing shows and had shut down for an hour. Again, eerily similar to childhood dreaming.

So I ambled back up the Cowgate. I chatted with The-self-employed-manic-tour-guide for a while. The Fringe/Festival is hard on those of us who live here and especially those who make their money from tourists. Everyone assumes we will all be busy but the truth is with so much competition it is difficult to be noticed... so he was giving out cards which allowed free entry and £1 shots to a nightclub I would never consider visiting.

Then I contacted The Evil Scotsman. He and I are alike in three ways : We like to drink, we love politics and we like to torture tourists. This is enough to make a drinking partner you can always rely on. We went to see comedy from Estonia at the Banshee Labyrinth, we didn't realise it would be from Estonia but it was... although it was compared by a man who looked like Jesus/Conchita.

Funnily enough a friend of a friend, Jo Clifford, is doing a kind of female-Jesus show in the Fringe. I haven't seen it yet, I may not get a chance. You should probably see it, though, because I saw a pre-Fringe show of hers and it was moving and funny, like Bugs Bunny in a camper van.

After the comedy The Evil Scotsman and I got chatting with Jesus and friends. As I, too, look a bit like Jesus we compared notes until finally I decided to go home... hopefully The Evil Scotsman encountered the Estonian comedian woman and got her number. It's about time he slept with an Estonian, a right of passage for all good young evil Scotsmen.